Don't you send me to vm
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
