Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize