party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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