If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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