I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
