So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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