Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
