you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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