the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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