I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
