I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's always time for handjobs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize