the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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