If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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