I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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