proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
