You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
