if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
