Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize