it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
