I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
