I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
