We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
