i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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