I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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