his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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