I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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