I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
