Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
