I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
