I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
