Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
