ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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