Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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