unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize