oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
