Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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