we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
