I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
