I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize