Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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