I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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