there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
