Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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