I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize