Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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