We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
