I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
