I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
