So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
