Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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