ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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