I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
