I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
