ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
