I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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