yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
