Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
