Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
