your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
