He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
