I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
