boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
