I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
