Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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