1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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