All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
