Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
