Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
