Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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