Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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