to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
