Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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