Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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