I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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