Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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