Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
